Its been a long while since I last blogged, it really wasn’t my intention to leave it this long, after two moves in four months and various other excuses that I came up with in my mind I just ‘couldn’t find the time’. I say this in inverted commas because the truth is if I really wanted to, I could have, in between baby groups, nap times, of an evening somewhere, I could have found the time to do what I love, however that doubt takes over.
I guess the thing is… I really don’t know if I am good enough, I’m worried what people will think about what I write, if I come across as not articulate enough, not interesting, not quite there in people’s estimations. I surely can’t be the only blogger in the whole world who thinks like this when they start out? Am I?!
I do want to mention that I am extremely happy with my life, have an amazing husband, beautiful son and wonderful family. I’m a very happy/positive person and absolutely love being a stay at home mom which is why I often feel guilt for even feeling this way in the first place! However, this is the way I feel, and as little P is 2 in October I am now on a mission to start getting parts of ‘me’ back that have been somewhat absent since I became a mama.
Before I was a SAHM we made the big decision for me quit the corporate world where I managed a marketing department for a company and go part time while I studied to do an English degree. When little P came along, for various reasons that deserve a whole different blog post I couldn’t complete this and I fell into being a stay at home mama. I absolutely LOVE this but it just seems that all of a sudden the other aspects of my life where I was a strong business woman have suddenly disappeared and along with that my confidence in these areas.
Amongst the chaos of both house moves I really have been able to do a lot of self-reflection and this seems to be a theme throughout my whole life at the moment. I self doubt and lack confidence in what I do and sometimes even in what I say. One of the only areas that this doesn’t translate to is my life as a stay at home mom, I am confident in my ability to parent and to be a good mama to little P and to keep my home together. However I want more……
I want my self belief back! So I guess this post is the first step to reclaiming these parts of me. Next step is to continue posting and building my blog, I really would like to make it a success and heck to maybe even help someone out there with the things that I write!
I firmly believe in championing those around me, stay at home mom, work at home mom, working mamas (and of course dads) I thing you are all amazing and really would love to hear your stories of feeling or over coming self doubt, please comment below to share.
Mrs P xxxx