Since my recovery from anxiety began I feel like I have been on a bit of a voyage of self discovery, somewhat of an awakening perhaps? One of the things that I have realised on this journey is how much I have always strived to be considered perfect, even from a really young age.
At school it was so important for me to have perfect exam results, when studying for my diploma in marketing, I was so disappointed with a pass, I would never tell anyone if I ‘just’ passed, I wanted a distinction so I’d work harder to get it on the next exam or coursework. As time went by this developed into wanting the perfect home, the perfect career, the perfect hair, to be the perfect wife, when I had my son, I wanted to be perceived as the perfect mother, the mother who can quite literally do it all. Not only was it a toxic way of thinking it was totally exhausting!
The thing with ‘perfectionism’ (especially if it stems from a fear of failure like mine does) is it simply isn’t achievable, you can not have a perfect anything. In fact, what ultimately happens is this fear of failure, this constant need to achieve perfection will hold you back. It will stop you doing what you want to do and make you feel bad about what you actually do because nothing is ever good enough.
I wanted to share this because I really do believe that this need for perfection really was a key component in breaking down my anxiety, when I realised that perfection is not only impossible to meet its also totally pointless to strive towards, I felt free. I no longer had to aim for it. Now I aim for what feels right, it took work but if I want to leave the house without make up I do and if a friend comes round for coffee and the whole house isn’t perfect I’m ok with that. In releasing this baggage I have more confidence, I’m writing again and blogging consistently because I don’t fear the failure, I don’t worry what people think, I just want to write and help people. My husband and I have even started to work our own business because we don’t fear the failure, we don’t think of it, we just focus on success and the outcomes rather than the negative.
So maybe its time to do that thing you have feared doing, leave the house without make up, start that business, write that blog post, even start that YouTube channel you have always wanted to! Know that its ok not to be perfect, you by your very nature are perfect in all your imperfections.
Do you struggle with the constant need to be perfect? I’d love to hear your story so please feel free to comment below.
Mrs P xxxx